bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
