I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
