Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
