My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
