She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
