I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
