he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
