I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
