it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
