Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm too high and old for this...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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