how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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