Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
