I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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