You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
