We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
