If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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