She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
