I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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