he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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