mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
