My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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