She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We're too hungover to prance.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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