dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
