I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
