It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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