New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
