Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
