hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Boobs speak an international language.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
