Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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