i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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