we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
