i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
