Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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