Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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