Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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