I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
