we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
