I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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