Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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