my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
