Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
