I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
