ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
