it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
