who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
