What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
