In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
