I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
