remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
