Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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