You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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