If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
