the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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