God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
