I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
