Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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