I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
