The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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