Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Man, jail baloney is awful.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
