is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
